


Little Things Pile Up

by CheetahLeopard2



Series: Your favs have Psychosis [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Comfort, Delusions, Hallucinations, Healthy Relationships, M/M, Multi, Psychosis, Schizophrenia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 10:26:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16061177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheetahLeopard2/pseuds/CheetahLeopard2
Summary: Eita's daily life with psychosis and his boyfriends finding out and loving him just the same =)





	Little Things Pile Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lxcekitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lxcekitty/gifts), [8The_Great_Perhaps8](https://archiveofourown.org/users/8The_Great_Perhaps8/gifts), [surveycorpsjean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/surveycorpsjean/gifts), [cherrykirsch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrykirsch/gifts), [CalicoPudding](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalicoPudding/gifts), [putyournamehere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/putyournamehere/gifts), [meowkittykenma (azumarheart)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/azumarheart/gifts), [dok_uu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dok_uu/gifts), [nightshade002](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightshade002/gifts), [AlannaRose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlannaRose/gifts), [Frenchibi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frenchibi/gifts), [HeichousHeadphone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeichousHeadphone/gifts).



> I originally wanted to write something about how Eita hid behind Satori's conventional oddness to hide his own oddness and neither is bad, they're just different.  
> Then this happened and I couldn't be happier =)  
> I started this this morning at school and wrote during passing periods and after tests and tonight and I'm just,,, amazed I finished this, especially as I had no plan that I was able to follow ='')
> 
> ANYWAYS This is to the same people for the same reasons plus Lxcekitty who I noticed wrote a schizophrenic!Koushi fic and whose other mental health fics I've read a couple of! And plus a few friends ;)

Eita stares at the assignment in front of him, the words dauntingly swimming in front of him. Lights blink in and out in front of his vision, and he groans. There’s no way he’s getting this assignment done tonight. Hopefully if he switches to math instead of a reading-based assignment he’ll  _ actually be able to see the problem _ . 

He sighs again, recognizing that maybe that was a slight bit  _ too _ salty for this late in the night. 

“You good, SemiSemi?” Satori pipes up from where he’s sitting cross-legged on his bed, and Eita bites back a yelp of surprise and spins in his chair.

“Tired of homework,” he replies, and Satori hums in agreement, “When’d you get back, anyway?”

“Half an hour ago?” Satori says, tone framing it as a question, “You said ‘Hi’ to me.”

“Oh,” Eita says, wracking his brain for the instance without finding it.

Satori laughs, “You’ve been working really hard, huh SemiSemi?”

“Yeah,” Eita says absentmindedly mutters, turning back to his math.

Satori tuts and unfolds himself from his bed, walking over to Eita and putting a hand over his worksheet, “I think that’s enough homework if you don’t remember saying ‘Hi’.”

“It’s fine,” Eita brushes his hand away, “it’s-” he nearly says normal, but that might open a door he’s not willing to chance, “no big deal.”

“Hmmm,” Satori leans down so that his head is resting on top of Eita’s, “Even if it’s no big deal, it’s after 10:40.”

“What, really?” Eita says, reaching to click on his phone. He stares at it for a moment in it’s betrayal, “Huh.”

Satori laughs again, and Eita can feel the vibrations of his throat, “Sleep time?”

“Yeah,” Eita sighs, “Sleep time.”

 

It is most decidedly  _ not _ sleep time.

Well, it was for about 3 hours after they had gotten ready for bed and Eita had taken his medicine, but then Eita woke up to the feeling that something is  _ wrong _ . He can’t turn over to check the window, because he’s terrified that something’s there watching him that will attack if he sees it. So he lays as still as he can, hyper aware of the way his breathing lifts the blanket, staring at the hotel-style clock blinking big red numbers on Satori’s desk across the room. His head feels like it’s crushing in on itself, and ringing starts persistently in his ears, drowning out the sound of Satori’s comforting breathing. 

He doesn’t dare shake his head to make the sound go away, not with  **it** watching… whatever  **it** is. All of a sudden the feeling of his head zooming in on itself fades, to be replaced by a horrible dizziness even though he’s laying down. Eita feels incredibly uncomfortable all of a sudden, his skin isn’t fitting right and he’s too hot and his heart is beating really fast.

Eventually he falls back asleep, around when the balls of light land in his hair and the ringing turns to screams.

 

Eita wakes up again at six am for breakfast before class, to Satori shaking him awake, “You were gonna sleep through your alarm,” Satori whispers, his tone light but his eyes concerned, “You look exhausted, did you sleep alright?” He smells like he just got out of the shower, and his hair gell is still setting. It’s nice, and a bit of normality for the mornings.

Eita ignores the second part, sitting up slowly and blinking the sleep out of his eyes, “It’s because it sounds to much like an alarm.”

“That’s its job SemiSemi,” Satori says, with a nervous chuckle. 

Eita grumbles something unintelligible and stretches, reaching for the drawers under his bed for some clothes to change into, which he sets on the bed, before heading to the bathroom that they share with the room Wakatoshi and Reon share beside theirs. 

Wakatoshi is already in there, and he looks at Eita with concern as Eita fumbles around for his toothbrush, “Are you okay, Semi?”

“Fine, thanks. You?” Eita responds, before sticking his toothbrush in his mouth.

“I am well. It is a nice-,” Wakatoshi says, cutting himself off when Eita gags at the feeling of the toothbrush in his mouth. It doesn’t happen often, not anymore, but sometimes he’d get terrible acid reflux in the mornings as a side effect of his medicine. Sometimes. Eita thinks it’s because his symptoms were particularly bad last night.

“Eita?” Wakatoshi puts a steadying hand on Eita’s back after Eita yanks the toothbrush out of his mouth and spits. 

The gagging doesn’t stop, and Eita turns away to kneel over the toilet, tears forcing their way out of his eyes as Wakatoshi rubs his back.

It subsides, after a while, and Eita hasn’t actually thrown up, so he coughs a couple of times to make sure he’s okay.

“Semi?” Eita can barely understand Satori’s concerned voice, so he just hums and hopes that that’s an acceptable answer.

“Are you alright?” Wakatoshi asks this time, and Eita takes a moment to understand, but he does.

“I’m fine now, let’s finish getting ready or we’ll be late to breakfast,” Eita says. And he is, if he spent every morning he’d gagged by the toilet in his room feeling sorry for himself even though nothing was really wrong, he’d miss a lot of school.

Satori and Wakatoshi step back, and Wakatoshi offers a hand to help Eita up, which Eita takes gratefully. 

They finish getting ready, taking a bit longer than usual as Wakatoshi hovers awkwardly in the doorway and Satori keeps asking if Eita is sure he's alright. Reon is on a trip with his family, so Eita is at least spared that lecture. 

 

They get ready to go to practice, and the day continues on like any other, even with Satori and Wakatoshi giving him concerned glances every once in a while. 

Because it is just another day, really. As stress builds it’s not unusual for Eita to have his bad days. 

Of course, his bad days are a bit more intense than a neurotypical’s bad day, but he’s used to it.

Really, he’s just struggling to stay on top of everything. But he can do it, he’s sure. 

 

\---

 

Eita wakes up the next morning to Satori shaking him, an alarm going off in the background.

“What is it?” Eita doesn’t feel like this is real. Not in a ‘my-mind-is-fucking-with-me’ way, but in a liminal space sort of way.

“Fire alarm’s going off,” Satori says, eyes wide and concerned, “Can’t you hear it?”

“Unfortunately,” Eita mutters, as now that it’s been proven a real sound it’s harder to ignore, “Probably just a first year making popcorn in the microwave fucked up again.”

“Probably,” Satori agrees, “but we still have to follow the rules.”

Eita grumbles but stands, taking a second to blink the lightheadedness and sleep away, and lets Satori grab his hand as they peek their heads into Wakatoshi’s room so that they can all head out together.

 

It was just a false alarm, in the end.

 

\---

 

Eita should be doing his reading. He knows he should be doing his reading. He  _ wants _ to do his reading, for fucks sake. Satori comes in the room just in time to see Eita physically flinch backwards so he doesn’t slam his head on the desk, his chair toppeling backwards. 

“Semi?!” Satori nearly screeches, “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to startle you, sorry!”

“It’s fine,” Eita says, without making any attempt to get up. 

All he wants is to do his fucking reading.

Eita ignores whatever Satori says next, instead throwing an arm over his eyes and pretending he sees nothing dancing across his eyelids.

He tunes in when Satori crouches next to him and nudges his arm away from his eyes, “Are you okay Eita?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Eita responds after a moment, moving to stand up, “gotta love that executive dysfunction” he mutters under his breath.

It’s not a big deal.

It’s not a big deal.

It shouldn’t be a big deal.

And then one day later in the week Satori is late to lunch, and Eita offers to go find him.

Satori’s last class is psychology, and Eita heads there first, just in time for the last student other than Satori leave, and hear Satori ask the professor what executive dysfunction is. 

“Why?” the professor asks in return, and Eita can barely hear Satori’s response.

“For a friend.” Eita’s heart about stops. Satori is… really sweet, to be this concerned and to be looking into it, but also Eita didn’t tell him this. It’s really personal.

“Hmm,” the professor pauses in her packing up, and turns her full attention to Satori, “And did this friend tell you about it themself?” 

“I don’t know if he meant for me to hear it,” Satori admits.

The professor sighs, “I can’t exactly stop you from looking it up, so talk to me tomorrow if you still want to know.”

Satori brightens and is about to respond, but it’s then that Eita decides he’s had enough.

“Tendou!” as soon as he steps into the classroom, Satori’s eyes fill with… not panic, but not a comfortable feeling either. He can see the professor take in that gaze and look between them in growing understanding. He doesn’t like it. “Come on, or you’re going to miss lunch.”

Satori looks back at the professor, “I’ll stay after tomorrow.” 

_ Fuck _ .

 

Eita pretty much gives up. If Satori finds out then he finds out, right? That’s fine. That’s totally fine. 

He ignores that he’s not sure if it’s fine.

Really, Eita  _ would _ be fine with Satori knowing, if he knew that Satori wouldn’t treat him any differently. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t know anything for sure, and that scares him. 

The next day when Satori doesn’t come to lunch, Eita quietly leaves the table, gesturing to Wakatoshi that it’s okay for him to stay where he is, and heads to sit outside the psychology classroom. Inside, the professor has already begun to explain.

“-difference between executive dysfunction and laziness is that with executive dysfunction you’ll try to do the thing, and your brain will stop you. Or you’ll sit there, and think about doing the thing, and the consequences of not doing the things, and be unable to get yourself to do the thing even as it feels awful. It’s a symptom of many mental illnesses, ranging from depression to disorders such as schizophrenia.”

Eita’s heard all he is willing to, and he starts to walk back to the lunch room, but his feet end up carrying him outside, where he sits down with his knees pulled up to his chest and thinks. Not about anything in particular, and if you asked him later what he was thinking about he wouldn’t be able to answer. 

Other than a very distant, faint ringing in his ears, his head isn’t making him experience anything odd, which he’s grateful beyond belief for.

He isn’t sure how long he sits there before he hears someone approaching, Wakatoshi’s specific footsteps. He doesn’t look up from the piece of grass he’s fiddling with as Wakatoshi sits next to him, just tilts his body so that Wakatoshi’s right arm goes over his shoulder. A comforting weight.

After a bit, Wakatoshi speaks up, “Eita. I am very concerned. A few days ago you were nearly throwing up, and now you are sitting outside alone and it’s been nearly half an hour.”

“I’m tired, Toshi.” Eita admits. Bone deep tired. Tired of keeping something that’s led him to where he is in life secret, tired of being scared of people’s reactions to his existence, tired of people slurring around the word “psycho” and not being able to speak up out of fear of being abused or treated differently or something, “So tired.”

Wakatoshi hums and pulls Eita closer, forcing him to uncurl.

It’s nice, they sit out there until the bell rings, just talking. It’s a spot of calm Eita needed, and he thanks Wakatoshi with a kiss before they go inside.

He’s ready for whatever might happen.

 

\---

 

The ‘intervention’ happens Saturday, which Eita is grateful for. It gives him Saturday night and Sunday to recuperate. 

Eita gets back from a meeting with one of his professors to find Wakatoshi and Satori sitting it his and Satori’s room. “Oh,” he actually says,  _ out loud _ , “So. This is happening now.”

“Sit down, Semi.” Wakatoshi says, his voice soothing as ever, and Eita goes to mirror Satori, sitting cross-legged on his bed

“We’ve been talking,” Satori starts, so serious it’s almost uncharacteristic, “and we were wonder if there’s anything going on with you, mentally, that you want to talk about?” 

Eita almost says no. He almost says no and gets off the bed and walks out. But he doesn’t, he steels himself, and tells the secret. The one that’s affected him his whole life, that could change everything.

For a second Satori and Wakatoshi are silent, and Eita looks down, fidgeting with his blanket. He read somewhere, a long time ago, that the easiest way to get someone to tell you more about something is to stay silent. He’s not going to say more though.

Satori gets up from his bed and Eita does his best not to flinch when Satori reaches him, but can’t help it as Satori reaches for him. Satori pauses, and then continues, wrapping his arms around Eita and Eita sinks into the warmth. 

Wakatoshi takes the opportunity to sit next to Eita and pull them both into him, “You’re you, and this is clearly a big thing for you, and we will do our best to help you, but we still see you the same.”

That’s when Eita breaks, and his boyfriends kiss away his tears.

**Author's Note:**

> HAVE A GREAT REST OF YOUR YEAR GOOD LUCK WITH SURVIVING ILY ALL PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COMMENT IT'S WHAT KEEPS ME WRITING


End file.
